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A Badass? Me?

December 18, 2017

 

 

My name is Mel and I am a dead duck in the sea of creativity.  I want to share so much and for the last couple of days I have sat, stared at my screen, and then would go chose a new thing on my Le Tote or decide to email a client or start drinking… just kidding… ok maybe a little. Granted, two out of those three are productive, but not the task I have at hand. Have awesome things gone on since my last blog entry? HELL YEAH! I am now mentoring at one of the largest startup hubs in Chicago and breaking down comfort zone barriers left and right! I'm being asked to speak at major corporations as well as co-authoring an amazing new motivational book for women. I’m growing my business as a speaker, expanding my network, and building the base of my true life by design. Have I been dying to share with you every single thing that’s been happening? Nope. Why do we have so much more to talk about when things aren’t going super great? But the minute our lives are going exactly as planned (or better) we zip it up as quickly as we can, why? Is it fear of jealousy or judgement? Fear of jinxing it? All of the above?

 

My whole life I have always kept myself open far enough to inspire and motivate without truly exposing myself and my journey.  Because who the hell really wants to hear about my life?  Its nothing crazy awesome, it's just my life.  Accepting when your life, and your struggles, actually have created something amazing, that needs to be shared, is a very weird feeling. My mentors keep challenging me to share my stories, because apparently they created someone pretty badass and mentally I am still looking behind me to see who they are actually talking to.  Me? Seriously?? Ok here I go.

 

First lesson in the “I am as badass as everyone says I am” category was the day I asked for my divorce.  To get personal for a bit, there was nothing dramatic that happened, more of a slow evolution. My evolution. I was unhappy, though I felt I had no real reason to be, because to the outside world my life was “perfect”. A marriage that allowed me to stay at home with my son, a gorgeous baby boy, and a man who wanted nothing more than to take care of me.  But internally I was drowning. I was drowning because I felt so horrible for not being happy and not grateful that I had this good thing. But that's the point, it was only good.  When I started to really work on me, and embrace my potential, I knew that it wasn't good enough. I wanted great, I wanted to be challenged, supported, and be a priority. That last one especially. And as much as I loved my husband, he wasn't the one that was going to provide that, I was. That night I put our son to bed, kissed him as I was rocking him, and silently cried as I internally apologized to him for what I was about to do. To this day I don't even remember the exact words I spoke to my husband, except saying the words, in between sobs, I want to get divorced. He was amazing. At the end of the conversation we hugged each other and he said, “I will always love you” and I said, “I will always love you too”. 6 months later everything was said and done.  Even as I am writing this I am searching for some direction… I feel uncomfortable sharing this and instantly am thinking this is helping no one. But for the first time, in my life, I made a decision and took action towards something that was 100% mine. Not my family's, not my now ex husband's, not my friends, but MINE. Yes, not everyone's divorce conversations go that smoothly but, to me, it showed me that I never really know how bad or good something is going to be until i do it, and I can do it.

 

Now that AH HA didn't just happen on its own, it was a pinpoint in a 3 year journey. First figuring out who I really was, and then, what I really wanted. I keep talking to these amazing clients who think that they will just magically change over night, and that is never going to happen. When you get those ah ha’s it's not because you instantly got it, its because you took the small steps to finally get into the right mindset for it to make sense and click.  

 

Let me ask you this, the things that you bitch the most about, are you really doing your all to change them? And no, bitching about them is not a step in that process.  Because let me tell you the only thing that the bitching is doing is annoying your friends, family, and the universe.  You are the single most important person in your life and the only one who can get you to where you want to be, and you are perfectly capable of doing exactly that. The biggest obstacle we all have is, ourselves. We want something but then magically think of every single little thing that could go wrong, and instead of testing our over imaginative hypotheses by asking for what we want, we shy away and tell ourselves it's for the best, because if it was really meant to happen it just would. The “reality” you have, is one you have created which means, if you really want to, you can change it. Excuses will always be there and beyond them is the life you really want so be the badass that every sees in you and go get it!

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