I know that you have heard this saying before, “nothing good ever comes from staying in your comfort zone”. You’ve heard it before because it's true. Our comfort zones are our biggest enemy. That feeling of you literally being pulled in two different directions, so, instead, you stay stationary. Here’s the bitch: we created it ourselves. Here’s the beauty: we can also destroy it. First, know that this isn't your fault, we were taught to think in reverse. We were taught that it's the conditions that determine our circumstances, so in order for us to change, well, our circumstances need to change. In reality, it's our thoughts that determine our outcomes.
My favorite quote by Christian Simpson is: “The world doesn't give you what you want, the world gives you who you are.” Basically, what we believe about ourselves ultimately shapes our personal and professional lives. We’ve been taught WHAT to think not HOW to think. But like any other self-help method, we have to first admit that we have a problem.
You are a comfort zone junkie. Say it out loud, “Hello my name is (SAY NAME HERE) and I am a comfort zone junkie”. HELLO!!
I’ll start. Hello, my name is Melissa and I am a comfort zone junkie. It’s been 49 months since I last used my comfort zone as an escape. I was in the middle of a major transitional point in my personal life. Growing up, I really thought my soul purpose in life was to get married and have two kids. Even as I was “growing” my business I went into it thinking “I just want to feel like I'm contributing something financially”. That all came to a screeching halt when my husband (at the time) told me he didn't want to have any more children. I took it hard. It felt like someone had just ripped my total reality at the seams, and I had no idea what to do. Yes, I understand that I still had my son; I was still married and a mom, so technically all my “goals” were accomplished, but it wasn’t what I envisioned. I felt lost. Incomplete. That's when my comfort zone started to wrap its arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok, “this too shall pass”. But it wasn’t passing, and I realized that I was conditioned to think I wanted something that just wasn’t my end game.
I’ll tell you what I did next in just a little bit but, first, let’s answer a question: What is your comfort zone? Your comfort zone is a creation of your thoughts. X type of condition, creates X type of thinking, which creates X type of emotions, which creates X type of vibrations, which creates X type of behaviors and actions that create X type of results, all which correlate with the original X type conditioning… you got all that?? Basically, picture yourself walking in a circle, knowing you've seen this rock before, yet you keep going in the same direction. Most of us recognize we are in a cycle, but the reason why it's called a comfort zone is because all of these steps work harmoniously; it's easy, you don't even have to think about it because you already have and you choose to truly believe you aren’t capable of anything else, so you keep going around and around.
At different points in time you start to entertain the idea of something different, you see that other path and for a moment you think “Hm, I could go there”. That thought creates a code red in your brain. Alarms are going off. Sigourney Weaver's voice is telling you systems are failing, and your body is now in fight or flight mode. But it's not your mind’s fault. You conditioned it that way. Your mind literally does anything and everything to “protect” you because it sees anything new as a threat. That conditioning took time, which means this re-conditioning is also going to take time and it is continual.
That’s exactly what I did. Instead of continuing to walk that same circular path, I took one step in the other direction. That's all it takes, just one step. It's scary, yes, and it's unknown. But it’s a necessary step, because if you don't take it, you will never condition yourself to think differently, and you will never get any further than where you are right now.
Here is a quick step-by-step to get you started:
Step 1- Recognize you have a problem (“Hi my name is….”)
Step 2- Find the area you want to re-condition first (i.e. organization, time management, communication, etc.) and find a personal development outlet that connects with you. If you need ideas, email me and I would love to help you.
Step 3- APPLY what you learn in your personal development EVERY DAY.
I know it sounds so easy, because, honestly, on paper it is. But it's up to YOU. That is the hard part. Now here’s some honesty: the minute you decide that Y is for you the universe is going to test that ASAP and your alarms are going to be going off like World War III! Because Y and X are battling to the death, but, whatever you do, DO NOT GO BACK TO THAT PATH unless you want to live a life of constant “what if” and “coulda, shoulda”.
Remember, the circumstances around you will never change until you do, and though this journey is yours and yours alone, know I am always here walking beside you. I am 100 percent committed to giving you clarity on your goals, the courage to overcome you obstacles, and create with you a concrete plan of action.